just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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