He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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