just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
