If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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