It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
