her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
