theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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