no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
soo... how was my night?
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