I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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