omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
