awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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