i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
