shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize