You're my little dorito
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
