Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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