Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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