I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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