I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
