if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
