why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
