i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
