how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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