i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
