that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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