just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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