reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
