so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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