hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
