Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I want her autograph on my taint
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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