sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
