STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
