I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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