so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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