Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
