margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
