oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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