I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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