I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Found your dick twin last night
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
