Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
