If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
