My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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