dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
