I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The power of my boobs compel you
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
