i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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