I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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