My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
she smelled like a LAN party
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
