wat bout pragnant strippers??
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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