Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
