Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
