last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
