His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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