The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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