rhymes with "ouble enetration"
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
