I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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