I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
