Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
