Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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