Dude my mom stole all your condoms
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
