well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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