considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
