Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize