I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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