i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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