Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
