There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
